The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize