So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
