i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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