the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wish I only lived at night.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
