No, you can still breathe under the balls.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
