the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
