I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
