Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
