that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We have started to decorate penises.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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