I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
