You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
