I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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