i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
