I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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