you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He has the fingertips of a God
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
