how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
