if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
