yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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