my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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