I want to walk on stilts...naked
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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