Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
