Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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