I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
someone owes me an orgasm
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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