the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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