fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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