her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
