I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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