I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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