ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
