I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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