I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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