Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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