i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
