He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
