...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
