On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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