what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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