Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
