I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
