I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
