get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
