I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
