capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
