u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
this boner is exhausting
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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