DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
