Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
