She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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