I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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