dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
