i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize