Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
