I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize