She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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