I wish you could order shots online.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
