She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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