I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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