Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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