i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
