what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
