then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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