Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
