I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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