I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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