haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
