You smell like a Billy Joel song
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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