Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
