at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
