You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
