I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
