Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
